I continue to find many challenges to be a better father in James Dobson’s “Bringing Up Boys.” He writes on page 80:

If character training is a primary goal of parenting, and I believe it is, then the best way to instill it is through the demeanor and behavior of a father.  Identification with him is a far more efficiient teacher than lecturing, scolding, punishing, bribing, and cajoling.  Boys watch their dads intently, noting every minor detail of behavior and values.  It is probably true in your home, too. Your sons will imitate much of what you do.

My kids love to hear stories about the mischief I got up to when I was a kid.  Many of the stories are about me trying to jump over or off things and getting hurt.  Occasionally, I also tell them of times that I did naughty things that my parents never knew about.  Sometimes I wonder if doing this is a bad idea.  Maybe I should be hiding my “sins” from my kids.  But in the quote above, Dobson is saying that kids learn from us by watching us.  They see us in action and there is no hiding the truth.  I don’t think that means we suppress all our negative behavior in front of the kids.  But neither does that mean we “let it all hang out.”  Kids need to see us struggling with things that upset us.  They also need to see what we do when we “blow it.”  Are we able to admit we were wrong?  Are we mature enough to say we’re sorry.  “Modeling” does not mean putting on a persona of perfection.  But it does mean that our kids are watching us as God’s spirit transforms our carnal nature into the nature of his Son. In the end, what is important is being there.  I’m so blessed to have the kind of job that allows me to be in constant interaction with my children.  Normally, when I go on business trips the kids are heading to the same place!  And because I work from home I get to eat three meals a day with my kids on a regular basis.  My sons are benefiting from watching me without me saying a word.  I hope they’ll look back on their childhood and remember that their Dad wasn’t perfect, but he was there. And that he was trying to be like Jesus.