Many people are confused by the fact that the language spoken in the USA is called English even though its proud citizens have been free from the heavy hand of English colonialism for more than two centuries.
The explanation is simply this: The language spoken in America is more akin to proper English than that spoken in the British Isles. In fact, I have been to England several times and can assure you that their way of talking has very little similarity to what for centuries has been considered “the Queen’s English.” When Quakers and other good Christians escaped from England they brought with them the original language and it has been preserved without corruption to this day. In Britain on the other hand, the language has sort of eroded. They talk funny and I think the cause is their awful chocolate.
There are so many examples of corrupted English that I scarcely dare list them for fear of embarrassing the nice people in Britain. I won’t mention misspellings like “colour,” mispronunciations like “al-u-minium” and bad grammar like “England ease past Zimbabwe.”
As Americans and good Christians we must be understanding with the British. Don’t laugh at their funny way of talking or try to correct them when they say things like ”from A to Zed.” Despite my mother being born in England she has escaped almost all the ill effects with the exception of confusing Brussels sprouts and Yorkshire pudding with food.
The English are blind to their faults and I think we should humor them. In fact, we should listen to the BBC from time to time and try to develop an appreciation of their way of saying things.
As a Geordie I can only agree with you about the English. Though the idea of Americans having anything which approaches a coherent language can only be laughable.
For our readers who might be unaware of what a “Geordie” is: Geordie refers to an isolated ethnic population on the border between England and Scotland. The number of known speakers of Geordie is approximately 6.
Source: Lingapedia
I agree that pure British English has been corrupted. I think it’s something to do with all those Geordies who have moved down south, maybe losing their own language but messing up our one in the process.
But the idea that Americans have preserved pure English is laughable. Just compare how our Queen and George Bush speak. Which is the real Queen’s English?
I had a similar conversation once with our esteemed British coworkers (when I was young and stupid of course
) about American being closest to “original English”, using some lame comparison between Portuguese spoken in Brazil and in Portugal and the ungracious attitudes of people in the latter towards people in the former, etc. Let’s just say that notion was quickly and definitively corrected. And in my old age, I’ve learned to be a bit more sensitive, I hope, before I utter such nonsense 
Once when the itinerant teacher was in our town, she arranged an end of term program for our children. They were singing the “Christianized” alphabet song where you sing a few letters and then some phrase about God, etc. The last line is, “X,Y, Z a home eternally.” The same British coworker’s adaption for her son’s version, “X, Y, Zed, a good home when you’re dead.” My kids and I still like that way best.
Good comments all.
Except about George Bush. Our President speaks English like a man. Not like that sissy former Prime Minister … “Tony Blare?” Something like that. I can’t remember the name.
Our awful chocolate!! We wouldn’t give Hershey chocolate to a dog, but you are welcome to it.
It’s not just the Geordies who speak authentically. It’s anyone up North. The softy southerners language was diluted when (hard to believe) French culture and language was popular in the South.
For a fascinating book on American “English” read “Made In America” by Bill Bryson.
Paul #1 you’re right about Hershey’s.
Paul #2 you’re right about the softies in the South. We have the same trouble in the US.
Just had a Hershey bar last night. As for me and my house that is still the best chocolate. I can say that when Lingamish is 10,000 miles away!
I’m almost desperate enough to think you’re lucky. Hilary is holding out for a box of See’s.
Its the same with France and Quebec too.
Stop signs in France say “stop”
Stop signs in Quebec say “arret” (if I remember correctly…)
Never seen Hershey and chocolate in the same sentence before. Ah well, you live and learn!
Never heard of any chocolate coming from Scotland. Any suggestions on a brand that I could compare to Hersheys? I am stubborn, but am always willing to try something new.
I,m English and I live in Scotland.They don’t understand me here either.
I’m rather worried at the assumption that I might be Scots – that’s almost as bad as being from the South of England.
The thing with chocolate is that it reminds you of your childhood. I don’t think many dispassionate observers would say that Cadbury’s make great chocolate, but it is the flavour of my youth and nothing can change that. I suspect the same is true of Hershey’s – which I really dislike (but others love). Objectively, just about anything that the Swiss or Belgians produce is better than English or American chocolate.
Beautiful, Eddie. You’re making me nostalgic.
Dad, they don’t eat chocolate in Scotland, only bannock and raw meat.
Sorry to hear about that Jenny. I live in Mozambique and no one understands me either…
mga318, that’s genius. I knew there was a reason I felt such kinship with French Canadians.
Man this is the funniest thing I’ve seen in ages. I’m forwarding the link to all my English mates, who will now be forced, by your tireless logic, to admit that George Bush is more intelligent than Tony Blair!!!!!!!!
[Dear Lord, if that's true, end the human experiment as soon as possible- it obviously was a bust].
I wasn’t talking about Blare, only our Queen, and that Brown guy who speaks quite good English for a Scot. As for Blare, the best thing I can say about him is that he is not the Antichrist.
Sure, Peter, I finally get some traffic for a change and you try to swipe it!
And Jim, I said nothing about intelligence only one of those guys talks like he’s got his knickers in a twist. The other like he spends too much time watching John Wayne movies.
You could hardly mention intelligence talking about those two!
Eddie, please rant about Blare. I love it when you rant about Blare.
I don’t know this Eddie person but he seems awfully smart!
I came to this belatedly, but am still left wondering (we saw a small segment of American TV by accident yesterday) when will the USA discover consonants? As Hebrew vowels make writing easier to read, speech without consonants is dumb…
Sorry about that Tim. It’s the woeful educational system in America. Most kids get the four vowels just fine but there are so many public holidays that there is no time to teach them the other twenty letters.
4 vowel? Must be a Yankee thing. We inhabitants of the South have at lest 12 vowels and even though I grew up out west (where we had 5 and sometimes ‘y’), I have since adopted to a large extent the 12 vowel and complete consonant agenda.
Tim, clearly you have forgotten how well spoken all we Americans were at the SBL in Philadelphia when the bloggers did meet.
12 vowels? See how these Americans have impoverished English. Here in Britain we have more like 15.
In large regions of the US they get by with only two: uh and aw.
After 11 years living in the USA, I was never so glad to get back to good old Canada. Your message has reminded me ho blessed I am to be back among civilized and proper speaking folk. Thank you!
Don’t leave us, John! I love the way you say “out and about.” Oat and a boat. So cute!
Hi Lingamish, I found this post to be quite tongue in cheek funny. Glad you have a sense of humor while living in Malawi, is it? I’m not quite sure. I worked in Benin as a Peace Corps volunteer.
Mozambique. Some of my best friends in the world are in Benin as missionary/doctors although I begged them to come to Mozambique. I look forward to reading your blog. Did I see Monterrey/Salinas on your blog? Forget it. If I read that stuff I’ll weep.
[...] has problems with English, but perhaps he’ll learn it [...]
I had an inkling that Lingamish was verily among the Enlightened; now I know this for a fact.
(Also, I find the idea of a “Lingapedia” rather thrilling.)
You would, Stefan, since the Americas not only preserve the original English (with the exception of Canada and the Carib) but also the original Spanish. Someone above has claimed the same thing for French in Canada as well.
Portuguese is a clear case of there being no proper dialect. They are all corruptions of medieval Spanish.
And as for the Lingapedia, I’m glad you are thrilled by my personal contribution to the wealth of knowledge. As its sole editor I prefer to keep the contents in my head and just quote it as a source when I need to.
Why do your serious pieces never get this many comments?
My readers are in such awe of my intellect that they are wowed into silence. But once in a while I like to throw out something for those little people that have helped me along the way.
An alternative explanation is that I’m really good at making fun of all things British.
The other explanation is that my serious stuff is boring.
Being British, born and bred, and an immigrant to this great and glorious country, I spent my childhood listening to my parents lamenting about the Americans “butchering” the English language. I don’t think either country has much to brag about, since there is so much slurring and dropping of “h’s”, “g’s” and who knows how many vowels. I loved your posting, dear son, and it made me laugh out loud. Especially, the part about yorkshire pudding and brussel sprouts, since I have seen you wolf both down in copious amounts (did I spell that correctly – should there be a u??) – along with Cadbury’s chocolate which is always in plentiful supply in this house. By the way, even though you are an American, your British heritage has blessed you with a wonderful sense of humor.
Thanks, Janet, for bringing us Lingamish. What a shame you couldn’t take him home to get a proper upbringing and language. At least you did the right thing with the food, and the humour [sic]!
I heard that!
I quite agree, Lingamish! But even as you must exclude Canada and the Caribbean from your most correct assertion regarding American as the Original English, so must I exclude Mexico and Argentina from the most correct assertion regading the Original Spanish and its preservation in the Americas. As for Canadian French, I lack the competencies to form an informed judgment concerning the claims above, but I will say that I do not find it wholly odious to hear a French Canadian speak, whereas this is not at all the case when I hear a French(wo)man do so.
Likewise I agree that Portuguese is but corrupted Medieval Spanish, and therefore no language at all. I am of the opinion that all works of literature in these corrupted variants of Old Castilian should be corrected and standardized forthwith; the same goes for the travesty generally known as Galician.
And of course, I eagerly look forward to seeing more Lingapedia information in the near future!
“Though the idea of Americans having anything which approaches a coherent language can only be laughable.”
Just wait two years….we’ll really have thrown coherence out the window by then.
Voxstefani, aren’t Spanish and French just corrupted mediaeval Latin and therefore no language at all? Shouldn’t all works of literature in these corrupted variants of the language of Caesar and Cicero be corrected and standardised forthwith?
I’m french, I really like learning english. I think British english is easier for me to read as it is closer to my own language. American english tends to be wee bit weird sometimes. I think it’s because american english uses lots of foreign words (spanish, german, dutch, french) and integrates them (keeping or not their original spelling).
But I think american english is easier to understand in speaking as it is widely used in media, movies etc. You get used to it. British english tends to be far harder to understand. As a matter of fact, you won’t know how someone from manchester will speak unless you have local connection.
So Writing : I prefer British as it’s more natural for me when I read brits novels.
And Speaking : I understand more easily american people.
Brilliant. Your tolerance is a lesson to us all. I know if another people group consistently called my people group “frogs” I would be far less charitable.
Irnbru, I think you must be learning a bit too much Scottish English, as you use words like “wee” (not referring to a bodily function) and name yourself after a Scottish soft drink. But you certainly won’t understand those Glasgow boys and girls unless you have a local connection.
Peter, I will have you know that Spanish is, in actuality, an improvement upon the barbarian language of the Latium. Therefore, it is the earlier, wholly uncouth versions of the works of Cæsar and Cicero that necessitate correction and standardization into Spanish. Fortunately, such standardized and corrected editions already exist, and are readily available as the Biblioteca Clásica Gredos (whose translations of Greek and Roman classics, according to Jean-Pierre Vernant, are the finest in any modern European language).
(And in response to your other query, I believe in John Hobbins’ blog, yes, they do indeed grow tulips in West Michigan every bit as lovely as those in the Moederland, and they have the annual Tulip Festival to prove it!)
Esteban
Hello, first yes I use scottish english for the simple reason I’m with a scot woman
I usually go to the east coast, never went to glasgow. But I understand them most of the time, except for the nerds, but who does?! I’m not bothered by the frog thing, I think anglo-saxons think calling us frogs is offensive, we french people just laugh if off, that is a dead habit (eating frog legs) from dark ages if not earlier. So I tell them grow up and get yourself up to date 
Cheers,
IRNBRU
Admittedly, people in the southern US do not speak English well; primarily due to their lack of teeth. I believe that their single remaining tooth frequently deflects their tongue while speaking and produces irregular utterances and slurring. As far as those of us in the north go, yah der hey, we speak English good.
Well, Irnbru, they do still serve frogs’ legs at restaurants in France, don’t they? But perhaps that is just for the tourists. Actually I guess the nickname comes as much from the abbreviation “Fr” for “French” and a jocular affectionate suffix “-og”, perhaps a variant of the diminutive “-ock”.