Why is this man weighed down with woe. He fears that coffee is endangering his health.
Now look at this man. He’s happy:
Do you know why?
He has discovered that drinking lots of coffee will make you live for a long time.
Why?
Doctors don’t know why. Maybe it’s antioxidants they say.
They are wrong.
People who drink coffee live for a long time because they have coffee breath.
Coffee breath is very bad.
Murderers don’t come near you. Your breath makes them sick.
So they don’t kill you. That’s why people who drink coffee live a long time.
Sick people don’t come near you. Your breath smells like the wrong end of a hippo.
So they don’t cover you with their germs and make you sick and dead. That’s why you will live for a long time.
Prospective employers don’t come near you. Your breath makes them wish you did not work in their company making lots of money.
So you don’t become rich and live a life of wanton pleasure leading to heart disease and other bad illnesses.
And I bet you keep your Bible on your coffee table too.
Gunning for another blog?
or chewing something while reading the Koran and the Bible?
or reading cartoons?
or did you just spill something?
You can’t argue with the Greek.
And sometimes the Greek is called Turkish, but you can’t argue with that either if you read it right (ελληνικός καφές ellinkós kafés).
In a recent Dilbert cartoon Jesus (”pronounced Hay-soos”) turned Wally’s coffee into wine. But surely Scott Adams got it wrong: the real Jesus would have turned wine into coffee!
In terms of smell, there is no right end to a hippo.
Regarding changing coffee into wine, Jesus would have performed the change in both directions depending on the time of day.